Our class has been trying to help our readers “see” our ideas by using more exact words (nouns, verbs, and adjectives), by using analogies, or by trying to replace “tired words” like “good” or “said”. Let us know what you think! Remember that all comments need only be questions, compliments or suggestions. Here are some of our attempts:

Before: “It was getting cold.”

After: “My cheeks were getting redder every minute.”

Before: “We talked to each other.”

After: “We talked to each other as fast as cheetahs.”

Before: “It was fun!”

After: “It was awesome!”

Before: “We build tunnels and ‘snowball safes’.”

After: “We build lots and lots of awesome tunnels and we can fit almost fifty snowballs in the safe!”

Before: “My bunny is gray.”

After: “My tiny and cute bunny, Squirt, is orange and gray.”

Before: “We went to Rockland.

After: “We sailed to Rockland.”

Before: “My dad ran to me.”

After: “My dad ran to me as fast as a cheetah.”

Before: “My dad is really excited.”

After: “My dad is really hyper.”

Before: “I wanted to go to sleep.”

After: “I wanted to go to sleep as fast as a bear hibernating!”

Before: “I like riding my bike.”

After: “I enjoy riding my awesome, greenish-yellow bike!”

Before: “I looked at the snake for a minute.”

After: “I looked angrily at the snake.”

Before: “I had to go home.”

After: “I was so sad that I had to go home.”

Before: “If I am bad I get $2.00.”

After: “If I am rotten I get $2.00.”